Intro

Cary Frank Schwimmer, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist, Los Angeles CA 90004
www.drschwimmerpsych.com

Attachment....

Attachment..... 

This is how your child connects to you and others in their world. This is a learned connection based on their temperament and experiences.

Temperament? - So many parents have told me that their child was born with certain traits.

Cranky, 

easy going, 

fussy, 

love to be touched, 

restless, 

sensitive to being touched, 

loud, 

cries a lot, 

doesn't cry at all. 

Happy,

curious,

nervous,

stubborn, 

silly,

alert,

hard to sooth.

Experiences? This is what does the world bring to their eyes and fingertips?  Lets start with mom and dads. They bring their temperament, yes it is the same as the as the above list.  

What is your basic sense of attraction to your baby:

     How warm is the flame, how cool is the water, how deep is the lake, how strong is the current.

Love takes many forms.  

Back to Experiences: You learned how to attach and now your child is doing the same. In an easy environment a child's attachment has the potential to feel like silk, in a chaotic environment a child's attachment can feel like a cactus.  Sometimes no matter how hard you try it feels prickly. 

Therapy with children always addresses attachment, no matter whether you are seeking help for potty training, ADHD treatment, OCD, fears, school adjustment or any concern you have for your child. Therapy creates the opportunity for a child to attach and rework some of their difficulties.  Parents can also learn to re-attach to an often difficult child.

Starting Therapy...

Starting Therapy with your child......

Every parent that I have met over the past 30 years has tried their best to help their child. People most often come to therapy because things just haven't improved. Sometime a third person can make difference.  I understand peoples resistance to treatment.  Just acknowledging the problem is hard enough, but then having to show your families struggles to another person about it can seem intolerable.

This is where the skilled therapist comes in.  Reducing the blame and shame for parents and child is my job.

We often do not even notice how much weight we are carrying.

Most children enjoy coming to therapy. Therapy is a place with few expectations. No punishment, No harsh consequences.  Some structure, some rules. A space in their lives to be themselves, whether it is happy nervous, mad or sad. 

So why do they need therapy?

Kids can: 

Feel alone.

                                                                        Be Mad 

                                                                      Feel Scared

These are all normal feelings, they only become  problems when they are to big , too strong, or happen too often.  

When you see a change in behavior in your child that is an important clue.  Ask yourself: How does my child usually act?

Now notice if they are: 

• Doing more poorly in school compared to the past, 
• avoiding the family, 
• wanting to be with friends less, 
• refusing to go to school, 
• more angry, 
• more defiant, 
• eating more or less, 
• having trouble sleeping, 

When kids are feeling bad they let us know through their behaviors.  

You see your child struggling and wish with all of your heart that you can make it go away. I have worked with families for the past 30 years and have seen the hurt in moms and dads eyes as they describe their children's struggles. 

We bring these little people into our worlds with the hope that they will lead happy lives. What is it that goes wrong for them: genetics, biology, home life, family, school, peers? 

The answer is any of the above. 

How do we start to understand what is happening:

Let's start with the moody or irritable child?

           

What happens when you say "No" to your child

The effects of genetics and biology show up in a child that may or may not have had a difficult life. Mood problems with sadness, anger, restless, hyperactivity, fears, and nervousness can all have a biological basis. No matter what they are feeling today:

Kids can be showing all kinds of feelings to the world through being irritable. 

Here is how Genetics works:
The genetics sets the stage for a problem to present itself, and the rest is often unclear.   Kids are born with a temperament or a way that they relate to the world. Many mothers tell stories about how their child came out of the womb with certain behaviors, sensitivities attitudes, moods, or anxiety/fears.

The other side of the coin is:

Life, environment, family and school experiences. These influence how much of the genetics we can see. Kids learn to act in certain ways through modeling others, consequences or reactions to their behaviors and rewards or payoffs for behaviors. 

Child therapy creates the opportunity to work through the problems by working directly with the child, parents, schools, and others in their lives. The therapy room is a safe place,  a little separate from their worlds, in which they can be themselves and express themselves. 

                                             

This is the wonder of child therapy:

The therapy room is a place with few expectations and demands.  It allows for the gradual and permanent growth of your child.

A very common problem-ADHD: 

                                 

All too often parents go to their child's school and the teacher suggests that they have someone evaluate their child. They are "acting up in class." This is code for I think he/she has ADHD.

I have a lot to say about this and will get back to it in other blogs but for now: 

                                   

                                                                ADD or ADHD?

                                  

                                                            Therapy for ADHD

Cary Frank Schwimmer, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist  Los Angeles CA PY27145